I am 42 years old today. I know some people, mostly women, don’t like for people to know how old they are and they certainly don’t advertise it, but I see my birthday a little differently.

When I was 15 years old, I very distinctly remember thinking that I would never live to see 30. Honestly, I was living a life with an attitude that was pushing very hard to guarantee that self-prophesy.

I didn’t care any more. I had given up. I didn’t really care about others and I certainly didn’t care about me, or so I told myself. My actions spoke quite to the contrary. I was very selfish and so self absorbed, I could only see myself and my life and how miserable I thought I was. What I couldn’t see then, but is so clear now, is that I had lost hope.

My childhood was not exactly easy but it wasn’t horrific, even though at 15 I I thought it was. My circumstances weren’t ideal, but they weren’t insurmountable; still at the time I thought they were. My past was not unforgivable, but I was certain it was.

Two times in my adolescence I made the decision to end my “miserable existence”. Despite my selfishness, I was unable to follow through. What I didn’t recognize at the time was the hand of my precious Savior was loving me when I was so very unlovable. He interceded so that I could live out the life He had planned for me from the beginning of time.

I continued in my self destructive ways, all the while desperately trying to hide it from those that loved me most. As I look back I can see where He was trying to get my attention through His loving children, but like always, I rejected them and Him.

July 25, 1990. That is my spiritual birthday. That is the day Jesus Christ met me face to face and told me unequivocally that He loved me and my mess of a life. He assured me that all the promises that my grandparents had told me about in His word really were for me if only I would allow Him to take control. He would fix it. He did so much more than that.

He gave me hope.

He didn’t change my circumstances, He changed me. He took my focus off of me and put them on the One that changes destinies.

On my 30th birthday I woke up and was instantly reminded of the self prophesy of 15 years earlier. I remember shouting with great joy and victory, “I’m 30! I made it to 30!” This has changed my attitude and appreciation for my birthday ever since and hopefully for the rest of my life.

I don’t take for granted the celebration of the day God put me on this earth. He has me here for a purpose and He is determined for me to live it out. My prayer is that I will do just that. I know I have in the past and continue to fail Him daily. I confess that I am a sinner saved only by His grace and mercy. I am messed up and I know it. However, I am also saved, redeemed and sanctified by the blood of the One who loves me regardless.

He has blessed me far beyond what my 15 year old imagination could have ever dreamed. My life is the life I would have wanted for me back then. I have an amazing, God loving husband who both leads and walks beside me. I have two incredible boys who I could not be more proud of. Most of all, I have a relationship with Jesus that will never end no matter what and that gives me what I had longed for…hope.

So, I may not be typical and it may not be socially correct to talk about your age as a woman, but I don’t care. Today I am 42 years old and I praise God for it!

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b